I left my key on the table.

In this week leading up to rehab, there are so many transitions taking place. The internship I was working with at Preston Taylor Ministries provided housing for the year. In result of me quitting, I had to quickly find a new place. So here I am, sitting on a bed in a spare room in my friend’s home, all of my possessions piled in boxes around me. Last Friday everything was normaL; I went to work, spent time with friends, and drifted off to sleep in my bed, unaware of the drastic changes I was about to encounter. This Friday my entire life looks different. I loaded the last of my belongings in my jeep, left my house key on the kitchen table, wiped away the tears so freely running down my cheeks, and walked out, shutting the door tightly behind me.

It isn’t my home anymore. What is even harder to grasp though, is that Maggie Blanchard isn’t my roommate anymore.  I met Maggie in July. She was just a fellow intern who was going to be sharing the basement with me for 10 months; however, I’ve left now, having gained one of the best, most incredible friends I could ever ask for. I’m not all that good at change. I get used to it and learn to thrive wherever I go, but it’s that adjustment phase that really hurts. As I lay in bed tonight, my last words won’t be to Maggie, reading one of my stories, or debating with her who will turn off the light. Nope, I’ll be laying in this new room, alone. And I don’t like that.

All of this is happening due to an addiction I am powerless over. Yet at the same time, I have complete faith that the Lord knew about this before I ever moved to Nashville. Ecclesiastes talks a great deal on there being a “time for everything.” This next phase in my life is a time to heal and grow. It’s a time to better understand myself. I’m scared of how hard this will be. I’m scared that I will feel isolated the entire five weeks I’m in Florida. I’m also scared that I’ll come back from rehab and fall into old patterns. Fear is such a presence in my heart right now, but thank goodness peace and confidence is battling this fear head on. I feel this inward battle, like a constant bicker. Grace wins every time though. I am choosing to believe that.

Only growth can come from this. Only lessons learned. That’s what I’ll cling to- that through this time, Jesus is shaping me into exactly the woman He created me to be! I’m not backing down from this challenge. I might have left my house key on the table this morning, but in turn, my friend gave me a key to her house. I’m also turning in the keys to my addiction, and I’ll gain a freedom key in return. 🙂


Ps. If you want to write me letters while I’m at rehab, you have no idea how much I would love that. Here’s the address: 5829 South Congress Ave// Lake Worth, FL// 33462

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