The other day I was eating a carton (yes the entire carton) of Reeses Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, and I realized I kept digging around the carton for “the good stuff.” I wanted the chunks of candy, not the ice cream itself. I was so focused on finding these chunks, that I stopped enjoying the taste of the treat itself. I was taking each bite just to get to the next.
I think I do that in my life a lot too. I get fixated on one thing that I really want and I forget to enjoy everything else that is happening around me. I take bites of the delicious thing I was after, but am so hungry for the next bite that I don’t savor the flavors swirling around my mouth. I’ve really struggled with staying present and “in the moment” since I relocated to Nashville at the end of January. Now that I’m engaged and busy planning a wedding, I’m finding it so easy to overlook all the beautiful parts of Nashville that drew me back here. I look at my wedding date as an end goal and the things between now and then as simply fillers until the day I say “I do.”
My life has become a whirlwind that doesn’t seem to slow down in the slightest. I’m traveling nearly every weekend, not to mention the almost hour commute to and from work each day. It’s a lot. I told my mom today that I feel like time is slipping through my fingers and I just can’t keep up. All the things in my life are good, but I’m not taking time to fully enjoy them.
I couldn’t tell you what I need to eliminate in my life to better prioritize my time though because it’s not like I have a ton of down time. I haven’t even finished unpacking from my move to Nashville 6 weeks ago. (I have too many clothes- that’s for certain.) I thought I would have more time on my hands when I withdrew from grad school, but it seemed like my life only grew busier.
The one thing I know that I lost when I moved to Nashville, which I have finally begun implementing again, was my precious morning routine. For five weeks I let that practice go- a simple time where I read a devotional, journal about it, and then create three lists:
- Gratitude List
- Affirmation List
- Today I Will list
These lists help me stay grounded and focused on what is right in front of me, instead of getting fixated on picking out the candy pieces and not simply savoring my moments. I feel like I don’t have any extra time, yet, somehow stress is able to sneak in and absorb so much of my day.
This post doesn’t come with a solution for how to better prioritize time or how to savor life moment by moment. I’m just here to acknowledge that a lack of balance creates utter exhaustion. I’m not doing more than the next person and my life isn’t unmanageable- but it certainly begins to feel that way when I let my morning routine slip and I only focus on one aspect of life, instead of all the pieces that make up my days.
When I try to do it myself and forget that Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of my faith, never intended for me to walk this journey alone- then I will suffer. But when I stop and acknowledge my insufficiency and dependence on the Lord- there is a shift.
I won’t be handed a golden plate with extra time on it, but I will be given a peace that can only come from exhaling in surrender. I’ll be granted a strength that is not my own. I never want to lose sight of all the little blessings and miracles happening all around me. Getting married is SO exciting and a beautiful answer to prayers, but it’s just another way that God continues to work. He doesn’t stop there- and I shouldn’t either.